Day 13

A 17-Year-Old American’s Analysis of 15 Minutes of Japanese Television:
(With the Remote Controlled by Host Sister)

8:50pm: Ending credits of an anime. Girls with impossibly long legs and so on. Ooo! Magic. Anime is now slightly less boring, but still yawn inducing because it is just the end credits. It seems most of the characters are not Asian, but Caucasian. From this, (and other references, such as looking at pictures of celebrities and such), it seems to me that the key to being beautiful/hot/cute/etc. in Japan is looking as white as possible. The less Asian you look, the better for you. Seems like all major celebrities have dyed their hair brown or blonde or red or some other non-black color, and girls perfect their pale by carrying umbrellas around when it’s sunny out. (Cannot criticize this, as I myself carry around an umbrella to hide from the sun).

8:54: Channel switch. Now watching boy band dressed in white suits and fedoras serenade live audience at some sort of event, unsure of what. Song is accompanied by intensely choreographed, impressive dance routine, and, of course, white suits are accented by contrasting color that is specific to each band member. When the song is over, band members take questions from the audience in a very anti-climatic sort of way. Conclusion: None.

8:57: Japanese variety show begins. I have come to love such shows, despite occasional utter childishness of them. This one is MC-ed by a bald man in a pink kimono, and two co-hosts, who are answering questions from the panel of (presumably) famous judges.

• 1st Act: A man wearing nothing but a black Speedo, a red towel around his neck and black knee-high boots with white laces does a comedy routine, complete with mime. Is apparently funny--don’t know as I cannot understand jokes--and after 3 minutes is swept offstage by a moving floor. Conclusion: Either people in Japan really like variety, or comedians are so bad that they can only keep up jokes for three minutes.
• 2nd Act: A drag queen and a man dressed as a young boy do a quick sketch about a mother and son, which centers around the son having a plastic water bottle stuck on his finger, and how he hides said bottle from his mother throughout the sketch. Eventually degrades into slapstick, and both comedians are swept offstage by moving sidewalk, with water bottle still firmly attached to finger.

And that was it. 15 minutes of my life and that’s all